You Don't Need It

My father looked at me while I was on the elliptical today and told me "not to become anorexic." I laughed and said of course not. One just can't become anorexic. Its a disease that takes hold slowly over time. I've always been weight consious but that doesn't mean I was anorexic in any means. It takes over slowly as the diet you thought you were taking grows into something bigger. Eating less, exercising more, withdrawing yourself from people in fear that they might make you eat. That's how I feel anyways.
As far as exercise and my meals for today, here's the list:

2/23/11
Eats:
Protein Bar: 180 cal
Whole Wheat English Muffin with fat free jelly: 130 cal
1/2 Small Apple: 28
Total: 338

Exercise:
2.6 Mile Hike: 1000 calories burned
Elliptical: 120 calories burned
Total Calories Burned: 1120

Neely O'Hara

^^^^^ yes, that's me.

Today was uneventful. I went to hike Squaw peak but I felt so weak that we had to turn around early. I feel my anxiety coming back slowly. It only rears its ugly head sometimes...but enough for me to get scared again. It might be because I've been eating less. Actually, I'm pretty sure thats why. I would think my medications would help, but they're only slightly numbing the attacks. My meals consisted of one 170 calorie protein bar before the hike, a 58 calorie salad (no dressing,) and a few chicken fingers that I ended throwing up. I've been consuming myself in thinspo, it actually really helps. Also, the diet pills are definitely curbing my appetite. I never feel hungry even when my stomachs empty.

Enjoy! xo Lo

Do you think that someone paints your mirror?

I think I'm going to change the tone of my blog a bit. Of course it will still be about Ana, but I want to add a personal touch to it. I never really talk about myself...so now would be a good time to start.

But not right now, maybe tomorrow.



...no more than 300 calories for over a week now and still going strong. Hello 120's.

I've been here many times before

My weight this morning was 130. I've lost quite a bit of weight and inches over the last two weeks...so I'm almost back to my old self, just 20 more pounds to hit 110. It's helping that I've taken a month of alone time to fly out of state. I don't have my boyfriend to influence me to eat. Sometimes I'd rather much just be alone. I'd rather be consumed in this friendship with ana then with anyone else. That is when I am truly happy.

xo Lo

fail.

Somehow I managed to gain weight. I am now back in the 130's. I don't know the exact number because I'm too scared to step on that scale. The last few days I've been doing really well with not eating much. A friend gave me some diet pills that actually are proven to suppress my appetite.

Ughh. How did I let this happen? Alot of it I blame my boyfriend, he just makes me feel comfortable with myself. (Which I guess is a good thing.) But I'm back on the road to my goal :)


xoxo Lo

I lost myself

I can't even begin to explain how happy I am. My weight is getting lower and lower. My period didn't even come this month! My spine feels constantly bruised from laying against hard surfaces. I'm eating only 300 calories a day or less...I HATE going over 300. I live off yogurt, oatmeal, and oh don't forget the jack & diet cokes that some how let me lose weight. People are telling me I need to gain weight. I say no thanks. They're just jealous anyways. Thanks to Zoloft I have completely lost my appetite. I miss you guys and I miss blogging. Thanks for all your wonderful comments. I promise I'll be posting more often.

It's when we're dying that we actually begin to live.

Worked out like a crazy person for 4 hours. I hate that everyone notices the difference of my body except me. I think they're trying to fool me.
Here's today's meals:

Instant oatmeal plain: 100
Light vanilla yogurt: 80
Half a 100 calorie pack of brownies: 50
Tuna w/ light mayo: 60

Total: 290

Calories burned exercise: (estimate) 1100