Promises

Today was a hard day resisting food. It was day four of the Gm diet. I had 3 bananas and two glasses of milk, along with black coffee and green tea. I almost gave in to eating the pizza my family ordered. It was so delicious looking and it smelled amazing. But instead of reaching for it I just sat there frozen convincing myself I would regret it the moment it went down my throat. I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself until I was done with the GM diet..but I couldnt help myself. I weighed myself tonight and was 125. So I can't wait to see what I am in the morning! I also bought some Diurex Ultra pills. I'm hoping it will help with the water weight since I drink so much liquids. If it doesn't I'll go with your advice, Bella Ana, and try some laxies.
I always get a bit nervous when it comes to weekends, because that's when I always binge. I'm taking the train to downtown Chi to do a little shopping because ALL my clothes are too loose, even my winter coats! But I probably won't buy alot because I still plan on losing much, much more. :)
Go me.
10/21/10
3 small bananas (spread out through the day: 270
2 cups of milk: 244
2 cups steamed broccoli: 87
TOTAL: 601
No exercising

Venting

I hate when people try to discourage me from losing weight. I haven't been hiding the fact that I want to lose more but I need to start. My nana is starting to make comments such as "you're so disciplined when it comes to eating and exercising." It's hard not be condescending on those who talk about losing weight but have no self-control. Then there are those type of people who try to make you feel bad about being so thin. Jealous much? Someone's a f*cking liar if they say they're happy with the way they look. I try to tell myself "ten more pounds then I'll be happy" but I'll probably never be satisfied.
My boyfriend moved to Texas today..(I live in Illinois) He is adamant about us staying together and me moving out there when he has everything ready. To tell you the truth, I'm happy with a long-distance relationship for now. It gives me more time to put all my energy into nurturing my relationship with Ana. She's very demanding. Anyways. Here's the menu for today. (Day 3 of GM diet)
10/20/10
Juiced tomato: 18
Grapes: 120
Pepperoncinis: 23
Orange: 70
Apple:116
Steamed Broccoli: 87
TOTAL: 435

Calories burned exercising: 560
I couldn't help not running, it's how I relieve stress.

Alone in a crowded room.

Today is day two of the GM diet. That means all veggies today. Tomorrow I'll be allowed to eat both veggies and fruit. Yummy.
I decided I'm not going to weigh myself until after the 7th day of it. I can't wait to see what I weigh!
10/19/10
Potato: 163
Steamed broccoli & cauliflower: 75
3 large carrots: 90
Peas: 60
1/8th of a sweet potato: 13
TOTAL: 400

My stomach didn't like the peas and sweet potato that I barely ate so I had to purge right after. Funny enough, I think my stomach has trained itself. Does this ever happen to anyone? Anyways, I'm going to stop jogging for awhile...I'm scared my legs are getting too muscular. So that means a definite decrease in the calories I'll be burning. :/ Which scares me because I don't want my metabolism to slow down. Errrrr.



It's amazing how fast Ana took over my life. She completely took over my thoughts. I give no thought to my boyfriend, college, hanging out with friends. I've isolated myself and I absolutely love it. Sad? Maybe, but I could care less. All my focus is what I can do to get that number on the scale lower.

Making progress

I weighed 126 today. I thought that was weird because I did binge a little over the weekend...which I guess is just what my body needed to get my metabolism running again. I started the "GM diet" today. I'm pretty excited to see how it turns out. I'm really trying to hit 120 by December. Everyone keeps asking me when I'm going to stop losing weight...Um who knows? When I feel like I'm not huge I guess. I'll try to put a picture up of me soon.
Today's menu
10/18/10
Apple: 116
Orange: 70
Grapes: 60
TOTAL: 246

Calories burned exercising: 561

Got to have control.

I hit 127 last night, I'm waiting to see if it sticks. My body is so tired. I work in a small office and the last two days my co-workers have been bringing in donuts and other treats. I have to sit right by the table where they sit on. But NO, I have not gave in. It's mentally exhausting to sit there for hours and tell myself not to eat them. Control, control, control. Here's today's menu.

10/14/10
Activia peach light yogurt: 70
Sugar free red bull: 15
Small salad w/ light italian: 27
Select harvest light soup: 100
TOTAL: 212

Calories burned exercising: 693

It's getting harder to increase the calorie amount. I know I should be hitting 500 some days. But I can't bring myself to do it.

Stuck

(taken from prettythin)

My weight won't seem to go down from 128...I don't know why its at a stand still. I drink plenty of green tea and exercise everyday.

8/13/10
1/2 cup brown rice: 109
1/2 cup steamed broccoli/cauliflower: 12
1/2 Lean Cuisine: 115
Soy bbq chips: 120
TOTAL: 357

Calories burned exercising: 480

I ended up purging the chips so I guess you could take some calories away from the total..

Freezing

10/12/10
(18) Pringles light fat free: 79
Lean cuisine chicken parmesan: 300
TOTAL: 379

Calories burned exercising: 538
Remember bbys, hunger hurts but starving works.







I don't know how to properly explain the process of thought going on in my head. I feel more like a robot than I do human. I'm able to keep myself numb while going through the same motions every single day. Someone else is always controlling my moves by the strings connected to my body. Will I ever be in control? It doesn't feel that way. I wish my body didn't require food. Coffee and red bulls aren't doing their job anymore. My body is screaming "more food, more food!" and my mind is saying "no, don't, those are lies." I am conscience of every morsel that enters my mouth. I hate it. Why can't I be normal? See normal? All I see are imperfections, flaws. Someone get these goggles off me.

I wish I could make myself feel something for him. he has all this love for me...and what do I have? A big void. A black hole where my heart once was.

A stick?

Surely I don't see what they are seeing. I see 128 on that scale. I see huge hips and fat thighs, not to meant my nasty muscular calves. Being as tall as I am, I feel that I have a disadvantage. Tall girls never look good being even average. We have to be thin to look good. That is my opinion anyways.
Here's todays count.

10/8/10
1/4 cup peach: 15
Sugar free red bull: 15
1/2 cup Low fat cottage cheese: 80
Steamed broccoli & cauliflower: 100
TOTAL: 210

Calories burned exercising: 573

Can't stop me now.

Decreasing.

I wasn't able to exercise today due to my schedule. I am working on trying to find a second job to take up my free time at night. I need distraction. But believe me I will be making it up tomorrow, well I should say tonight considering it is after midnight. I love nothing more than a eight mile walk. I decided I am cutting out foods with flour in them and also milk. I make sure to take the needed vitamins everyday that my body needs. For people who like toast but don't want the flour, try Ezekiel bread. It contains no flour and the cinnamon raisin is yummy plain.

Sorry for using actual models and not "real people thinspo" but since I am 5'10 I feel like I can compare myself better to them.
Usually models who are 5'10 usually weigh 115, but I don't know if I'll be able to stop there.

jogging 5 mi on 230 calories...

I'm exhausted.
I use the app "Lose it!" on my iPod touch to record calories eaten, and also calories burned from exercise. Whomever has a phone that is able to have apps, I highly reccomend this app if you're a calorie counter freak like me. Here's my stats starting from Monday.

10/4/10
1/4 cup refried beans: 59
1/4 cup rice: 31
TOTAL: 90

Calories burned from exercise: 315

10/5/10
Over easy egg: 90
Lean Cuisine: 260
Fudge stripe cookie pack: 100
1/2 Apple: 47
Cheese stick: 80
Club low fat cracker: 14
TOTAL: 591

Calories burned from exercise: 440

10/6/10
Healthy Choice frozen meal: 230
1/2 cup Cottage cheese (lowfat): 80
1 celery stalk: 10
TOTAL: 367

Calories burned from exercise: 903

I also drink 3 cups of black coffee, 6 cups of green tea, & of course ice water...but neither has calories so I don't bother recording.

Model type, skinny with no appetite.

Still eating less, still working out like crazy, still no changes.

I want her legs...
Anja Rubic