I lost myself

I can't even begin to explain how happy I am. My weight is getting lower and lower. My period didn't even come this month! My spine feels constantly bruised from laying against hard surfaces. I'm eating only 300 calories a day or less...I HATE going over 300. I live off yogurt, oatmeal, and oh don't forget the jack & diet cokes that some how let me lose weight. People are telling me I need to gain weight. I say no thanks. They're just jealous anyways. Thanks to Zoloft I have completely lost my appetite. I miss you guys and I miss blogging. Thanks for all your wonderful comments. I promise I'll be posting more often.

It's when we're dying that we actually begin to live.

Worked out like a crazy person for 4 hours. I hate that everyone notices the difference of my body except me. I think they're trying to fool me.
Here's today's meals:

Instant oatmeal plain: 100
Light vanilla yogurt: 80
Half a 100 calorie pack of brownies: 50
Tuna w/ light mayo: 60

Total: 290

Calories burned exercise: (estimate) 1100

Continuing to lose.

I managed not to eat much over thanksgiving, I tried to keep myself busy. Really difficult though.. I'm bordering between 121 and 122. Lunges & squats helped me kick two pounds off super fast, because I haven't done them in forever. I bought and read the books Unbearable Lightness and The Best Little Girl in the World. I preferred the first over the last, but my favorite is still Thin, the one mentioned below. I am getting a gym membership tonight because it is now too cold to run outside. But on another note, I love reading your guys' blogs and looking at all of your amazing thinspo. Its great motivation! :)

Today's meals:
Instant plain oatmeal: 100 cal
Light vanilla yogurt: 80 cal
Tuna with light mayo: 140
TOTAL: 320

Calories burned exercising: 750

It's been awhile..

I just haven't felt like blogging lately, but I still get on everyday. Thanks for your comments everyone! My weight's been at a solid 122. I went to a counselor who told me my weight is too low. But of course I don't see it. So I have to go back next week and start talking about my "self-esteem issues." Definitely not looking forward to that. Because now I'll have someone checking weekly on my weight. Ew. The recommended weight for my height is 135-155. That's disgusting, and I would know! Tall people should not be fat! I read a book called "Thin" by Grace something. I really liked it for the most part. Pick yourself up a copy. :)

Strength & Control

Yesterday's fast was almost a success; I just ate a 80cal vanilla yogurt.
Today's meals:
1/2 cup brown rice w/ veggies: 159
100 cal soup: 160
TOTAL: 319
I ended up purging the soup, but I'll still count it anyways because who knows how many calories my body managed to store.
And plus I burned 692 exercising. I hit 124 again. I haven't been 123 since I was a freshman in high school....oh my!

binge fest

This is what I currently look like:

Sad to say I binged over the last week. Its like everyday I woke up and could not stop eating. I think it maybe had something to do with the medicine my doctor prescribed..zoloft and xanax. If that's the case then I'll definitely be switching. Although I do love the xanax. It's so calming. Yesterday My calorie intake was only 150.. and today I will be fasting. I'm back to 127. I just feel like a failure and so discouraged.

Promises

Today was a hard day resisting food. It was day four of the Gm diet. I had 3 bananas and two glasses of milk, along with black coffee and green tea. I almost gave in to eating the pizza my family ordered. It was so delicious looking and it smelled amazing. But instead of reaching for it I just sat there frozen convincing myself I would regret it the moment it went down my throat. I know I said I wouldn't weigh myself until I was done with the GM diet..but I couldnt help myself. I weighed myself tonight and was 125. So I can't wait to see what I am in the morning! I also bought some Diurex Ultra pills. I'm hoping it will help with the water weight since I drink so much liquids. If it doesn't I'll go with your advice, Bella Ana, and try some laxies.
I always get a bit nervous when it comes to weekends, because that's when I always binge. I'm taking the train to downtown Chi to do a little shopping because ALL my clothes are too loose, even my winter coats! But I probably won't buy alot because I still plan on losing much, much more. :)
Go me.
10/21/10
3 small bananas (spread out through the day: 270
2 cups of milk: 244
2 cups steamed broccoli: 87
TOTAL: 601
No exercising