Thinspo because I need a reminder of what I'm close to reaching

I woke up today and was back to 135. Depressing.
I don't feel like writing much...so here's some random faves of today, including one of my favorite thinspo's Annalynne Mccord.

Back to routine

I missed the feeling of being disciplined. My self-esteem always strengthens when I commit myself to losing the weight.



The last few days I have been doing really well with not going over 500 calories. I never have any trouble with wanting to eat during the day but it seems at night is the hardest for me. Probably because that is my downtime. I work 7:30am to 4pm then immediately after I tan, and jog...but after that I have nothing to occupy my time with. Any suggestions?

5'10 & 133

Surprisingly enough, I only gained 3 pounds the 3 weeks I was off my diet. But now I am back to the weight I was right after my diet, and I'm back to running everyday. I already feel better about myself. I'm just hoping I can keep it in control this time. It is mainly when my family has special dinners or when we eat out that I tend to go a little crazy. I've been looking online at the calories of foods at fast food restaurants and now have some knowledge of what to order when the time comes.
Like for example here are some good choices to order from Mcdonalds...my guilty pleasure:
(remember to stick with grilled chicken)
Caesar Salad w/ Grilled Chicken 270 (dressing 190)
but you can substitue dressing- low fat balsamic 40 or low fat italian 60
Ranch Snack Wrap 270
Chipotle BBQ or Honey Mustard Snack Wrap 260
Fruit'n'Yogurt Parfait 160


My other guilty pleasure is teen mom. I love Maci.

Dreamer

I think the main reason I want to get down to 120 is because if I'm skinny enough, then maybe he'll want me back.
That is unlikely of course but I can dream can't I?

Back in control always depletes my fears. It is when I begin to lose control of my diet that I get scared. Like I've stated before, it is easier for me to not eat than to limit myself. Coffee, green tea, and vitamins supply me with my energy. I definitely recommend exercising to anyone who wants to lose weight. Even when you don't feel like doing anything...go on an hour walk and it will give you motivation. It always works for me, and it helps speed up your metabolism.

Expressions

"I know not yet what I shall sing; I only know the song is there."
-Fet


I read this one day and I truly felt that it was written for me. I have so many thoughts, words, feelings inside me; I feel that they are "blocked" from coming out. I do not know how else to describe it. I am unable to express what is hidden inside me. I am hoping that maybe one day it will all come tumbling out on a blank page.

I am still struggling with my weight. Same old saga. It has gone back up, which has thrown me into a depression. I am only happy when I feel thin. It seriously feels like that was forever ago. I promise myself that TODAY is the day I get back on track, back in control.

Juicy

I recently discovered the joy of juicing fruit. And the different juices I can make are amazingly good. And it is the perfect cover of hiding the fact that I'm not eating. I can now say I'm putting my body through detox without my family making a big deal of me eating less.

Anyways,
I'll be twenty in less than a week...I still can't believe I have one more year until that magic number twenty-one. It feels like I passed that age a long time ago. While everyone is out partying, I'm working over forty hours a week to save up money that I have no idea what I'm going to do with. Pay bills? Get my own place in Chicago? Say "fuck it" and go on a shopping spree? I really have no idea.

Turmoil

So it has been months since I've last posted, or bothered even to get on. I've been through so much crap these last six months, I don't even know where to begin. The only good news is I've been able to lose 20lbs and keep it off. I'm still not to my ideal weight, but I'm a hell of alot closer.

At 5'10 and weighing 135, I do appear to be thin, but I don't feel thin..I definitely don't feel like I've lost weight. I still see the same image in the mirror. I'm only eating no more than 500 calories a day but it still feels like too much. It is easier for me not to eat at all than to keep myself within the limit.

Like usual, my family is suffocating me. I'm back in the small town where I promised myself I'd never come back. The only options I have now are moving to Chicago to my own place or to Phoenix, Arizona with my father. I'd rather have my own place...but I'm not sure I could afford it right now. So that leaves me Arizona. It would be a whole new life...which is what I want. But then that means leaving my boyfriend and everything else behind...