Freezing

10/12/10
(18) Pringles light fat free: 79
Lean cuisine chicken parmesan: 300
TOTAL: 379

Calories burned exercising: 538
Remember bbys, hunger hurts but starving works.







I don't know how to properly explain the process of thought going on in my head. I feel more like a robot than I do human. I'm able to keep myself numb while going through the same motions every single day. Someone else is always controlling my moves by the strings connected to my body. Will I ever be in control? It doesn't feel that way. I wish my body didn't require food. Coffee and red bulls aren't doing their job anymore. My body is screaming "more food, more food!" and my mind is saying "no, don't, those are lies." I am conscience of every morsel that enters my mouth. I hate it. Why can't I be normal? See normal? All I see are imperfections, flaws. Someone get these goggles off me.

I wish I could make myself feel something for him. he has all this love for me...and what do I have? A big void. A black hole where my heart once was.

A stick?

Surely I don't see what they are seeing. I see 128 on that scale. I see huge hips and fat thighs, not to meant my nasty muscular calves. Being as tall as I am, I feel that I have a disadvantage. Tall girls never look good being even average. We have to be thin to look good. That is my opinion anyways.
Here's todays count.

10/8/10
1/4 cup peach: 15
Sugar free red bull: 15
1/2 cup Low fat cottage cheese: 80
Steamed broccoli & cauliflower: 100
TOTAL: 210

Calories burned exercising: 573

Can't stop me now.

Decreasing.

I wasn't able to exercise today due to my schedule. I am working on trying to find a second job to take up my free time at night. I need distraction. But believe me I will be making it up tomorrow, well I should say tonight considering it is after midnight. I love nothing more than a eight mile walk. I decided I am cutting out foods with flour in them and also milk. I make sure to take the needed vitamins everyday that my body needs. For people who like toast but don't want the flour, try Ezekiel bread. It contains no flour and the cinnamon raisin is yummy plain.

Sorry for using actual models and not "real people thinspo" but since I am 5'10 I feel like I can compare myself better to them.
Usually models who are 5'10 usually weigh 115, but I don't know if I'll be able to stop there.

jogging 5 mi on 230 calories...

I'm exhausted.
I use the app "Lose it!" on my iPod touch to record calories eaten, and also calories burned from exercise. Whomever has a phone that is able to have apps, I highly reccomend this app if you're a calorie counter freak like me. Here's my stats starting from Monday.

10/4/10
1/4 cup refried beans: 59
1/4 cup rice: 31
TOTAL: 90

Calories burned from exercise: 315

10/5/10
Over easy egg: 90
Lean Cuisine: 260
Fudge stripe cookie pack: 100
1/2 Apple: 47
Cheese stick: 80
Club low fat cracker: 14
TOTAL: 591

Calories burned from exercise: 440

10/6/10
Healthy Choice frozen meal: 230
1/2 cup Cottage cheese (lowfat): 80
1 celery stalk: 10
TOTAL: 367

Calories burned from exercise: 903

I also drink 3 cups of black coffee, 6 cups of green tea, & of course ice water...but neither has calories so I don't bother recording.

Model type, skinny with no appetite.

Still eating less, still working out like crazy, still no changes.

I want her legs...
Anja Rubic

Still losing.

My calorie intake is still low. Ranging from 300 to 700. Never any more. I'm still burning quite a few calories a day through exercise; 4 mi each day, followed by abs and light weight lifting. There's finally a gap between my thighs, so I know I am making progress. I've cut my friends and boyfriend out my life. Kind of depressing, but most days I prefer to be alone. The gossip and jealousy is a great factor of what motivates me. While my old friends are gaining their "freshman 15" I'm losing more and more!
Here's some motivation bbys.








my favorite:

So happy.

Today I hit 127! Some of it is just water weight, I know, but this is the lowest I've been in two years. I'm currently out in Arizona visiting some family and looking for colleges. I've been hiking and watching what I eat really closely. I always am ordering salads because my father likes to eat out alot. The skinnier I get, the more control I seem to have over eating. I love it here, the mountains, the weather, the people. I'm hoping I move here very soon.